Sleep Apnea -- Take it seriously...

My husband has sleep apnea but doesn't use his sleep machine to avoid issues like this. He wonders why I don't like to sleep next to him anymore. Could you sleep next to that on a regular basis? I can't beg him anymore to help himself. At what point do I start to not care? I'm so tired of scared that I'll wake up next to a dead person the next morning...or he'll have a heart attack in his sleep. T.T

Friday, April 24, 2009

Mood: Relieved; Accomodating

Currently listening to: Love & Understanding - Cher

Changed the background on my work PC to an animated gif of balloons rising, on a continuous loop. Not a good idea. Quickly changed it to a presset Windows XP background of a view of yellow tulips from the ground. Much better.

After picking up Luc from Track practice yesterday afternoon, I began my journey of searching for a suit/tux for him to take his date for the weekend's prom. I had already promised myself to stay within a budget of $200 -- which was already taking out of his father's birthday celebration this Sunday. I pestered Luc to call his date to have her send a pic of her dress to my cell phone so I could see the colors. So texted back to say that she had to attend a family weekend that weekend & would not be going to prom after all. She thanked my son for offering to go with her & left it at that. While turning my car around from heading to the local Men's Wearhouse, I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that I was no longer going to have to stress about prom & all of the issues that come with it. After that, I realized I needed to make sure that Luc was OK with this, since I sensed deep down he was looking forward to the date. He told me he was fine it. He could now go to the Track Meet Saturday. All in all, this was a good practice run for next year when he will -- no -- might go next year when he is a Junior. I just have to remember all of this come next February. Price of the prom ticket, corsage for the date, renting of the tuxedo, paying for dinner, transportation, etc. Yeah, he's going to need a job.

Tori is my next hurdle. Her dance is tonight. Said I might buy her a new dress, but I'm not too sure now. She does need another dress. I'll have to see what time her dance starts to see if I have time to run to the store to get one for her. Of course, I could always go to Kohls...or Target.

OK -- now to talk about me. My plans this weekend. Watch my son's track meet. Haven't done that yet. He's been keeping me at arms-length. Probably because he isn't the best runner...his words...not mine. However, the fact the he is doing so much outside of the box is thrilling for me. I'm looking forward to cheering him on - hoping he doesn't see me as an embarassment. He wants me to take him to the meet later & not ride the bus with his team, however, I'm making him take the bus. Told him to bring things with him to occupy his time & he needs to support his team. I am so proud of my little boy...but again, I reverted back to my kids. It's ME time.

This weekend, preparing for Scotty's birthday. I really enjoy doing things like this. Unfortunately I haven't quite gotten it right when celebrating it. I like to surprise, but Scotty doesn't like to be surprised. Well, that's not exactly right. He likes surprises, he just doesn't make it easy to do them since he questions everything & turns down-right grouchy. He can't even get into the spirit when I tell him to "chill" and "expect the unexpected". If things aren't good this year, I give up. I will have lost the joy to do it for him anymore. He doesn't even like to work together when planning for the kids. OK -- my mood is starting to shift. Time to change the subject.

I was going to have a radio installed in his car this weekend so he could have an early present. He no longers will right in the ... just got a phone call...it's him. He was returning a phone call I had made earlier, checking to see if Tori was home already. He said he was out, just went to Red Robin to get his free B-day burger. That was something I signed him up for. I told him specifically we could go there for his B-day. He didn't want to...even though it is one of the few places the kids will eat. Said that we could go there for lunch. The a$$hole went by himself to pick up the f*cking burger! OK...my joy planning for him is officially one. I feel like crying now. Why is he such an asshole? It's not like Red Robin is down the road...it's a 20 minute drive. Only 5 minutes from my work. He did it on purpose...and I know that coupon wasn't due to expire any time soon.

I'm home now. It took seeing my babies to calm me down. Tori is ready to come home from her dance. She went with a friend -- her "date" cancelled on her too. Hope this is not going to be a trend. LOL

I just need to get over myself. I'll try to reexamine myself tomorrow. Time to watch a little recorded Two & a Half Men. or Will & Grace...or Friends... :)

Thursday, April 23, 2009 - 16:17 EST

Mood: Agreeable
Currently listening to: Is This Love - Survivor


The prom challenge is finally coming to a conclusion. I'm taking Luc shopping to find either a rental tux or a suit. My budget for this whole prom adventure is $200. That should include a corsage for his date. Now, don't know if that includes dinner...crap, I just now thought of that. How does this work? She asked him as a friend. Is dinner included? Do they go dutch? OK -- he's going to have to carry the Amex with him that night.

Did I share that this is also the weekend of my daughter's first date? Her "boyfriend", which she is denying to her father, is her date for the elementary school dance. Geez...at least she hasn't asked me for new clothes. All I have to worry about with her is that she takes a bath & has her hair fixed...which I can do the hair pretty easily.

I'm done for the work for the day...so I'm trying to find time before I have to leave work. I have approximately 15 minutes. I could leave early since I stayed late on Tuesday, but why not. Boss isn't here. I can kill some time. Bought a Iced Orange Banana Cupcake from the cafe today. Good time to try it.

It's usually around this time of the week that I'm figuring out what I'm planning to do for the weekend. I'm sure Saturday will be taken up with Luc's prom preparations...or at least my preparations for Luc. Since Tori is on lock-down, can't let her run-around like usual since I have to supervise her. I do have to return a bathing suit I bought her that is too big. That's one thing I can do. I really need to clean on my house. It's not bad, but I would love to clean out my closet. Since I do have some money -- guess I can visit the local Goodwill & see what they have that I can further junk up my house with. Of course, I could always finish that blanket for Scotty that I meant to have for him by Xmas. Maybe that will be his B-day present. I can get him the car radio for Father's Day.

Ok -- the cupcake icing isn't flavored...slightly disappointed. The cupcake itself is a very interesting mix of orange & banana. Not sure how to react to it. Not tasting too good with my sweet tea...can tell you that for sure.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 11:55 EST

Mood: Swinging...taking things minute by minute
Currently Listening to: It's Gonna Take a Miracle - Deniece Williams

Taking a break from work. Applications I need are not functioning. Mind is racing. Can't really focus on much, so what better thing to do but to write.

Update from yesterday: Luc talked to his prom date. She doesn't care what he wears. Good! He's wearing a suit. Apparently she's is wearing some sort of Red/Brown dress. I don't have a clue what that looks like. She is driving him. Told him she is going to have to come to the house to pick him up. I'm not dropping him off @ the school. I'm checking this chick out + taking some pictures. :)

Had a talk with the little girl last night. Put her on lock-down. Had a nice phone conversation with her teacher. Was told that she has been starting trouble among the girls, saying one hates the other, starting fights -- I've seen this behavior, so I know the teacher is blowing smoke up my ass. Apparently Tori wants to be the center of attention & will try to manipulate the situation to make it that way. Now everyone is seeing her for what she is doing, and it's backfiring on her. Told her all of her associations will be supervised. Said she had to stay away from the middle school girls. I think she is picking up on many bad habits, including, unfortunately, my niece. Now I have to concentrate on her schooling. She has a "no care" attitude. I'm trying to figure out how I can get her invested...find her Wiifm... LOL Never thought I'd use that term for anything outside of work.

Forgot to bring my lunch today. That sucks...I have some $$, but I'm not that desperate. I'm eating from Ritz crackers & peanut butter that I left in my desk drawer. Hoping that will get me through til I get home. I'll be leaving in 5 hours...I can do it.

Was thinking I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel until I realized that I forgot about another obligation that I have for the end of the month. How did I do this to myself? I am so screwed...

Updated Mood: Depressed

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 - 14:00 EST

Mood: Overwhelmed & emotional

Was told last night by my 15 year-old son that he was asked to the prom by a Junior. Apparently she asked him almost 2 weeks ago, but he didn't bother to ask me until last night. Telling him he cannot go is not an option for two reasons:

• My unusually introverted, shy son, made a point to ask. If he didn't want to go he wouldn't have even bothered. That's a big deal for me to see him take the initiative.


• I wasn't allowed to attend prom in high school. At the time I talked myself into thinking that was OK...but that was strictly a response to allow myself to function. I hated not being able to go. I don't want to deny my firstborn...plus I would love to experience prom through his eyes.

However, now I am at odds as to whether or not I do not have a choice to tell him he can go.

• I'm broke. I hate saying that...but I'm broke. The money I loaned my husband by paying some of his bills was not repaid to me. The $$ that I do have, is already earmarked for other things, that has been accounted for weeks in advance. I can put things on my charge card...but I really don't want to do that. I'm weighing that option though.


• Last minute tux rentals are grossly overpriced. If I can find a tux to fit him, it will cost me $130-180. My husband seems to think it is acceptable for him to wear a suit. Well, that costs money too. Hubby tends to forget that our son is not the same size he was at his age...so he can't wear one of his old suits. Besides, those suits are 15+ years old. If my son would be OK with it, the poor girl he is taking may not be as cool about it. However, Luc is asking her. I'll find out when he gets home after his track meet.

I had to decline going to an off-site with my team today because of the whole $$ situation. How embarassing is it for my supervisor to offer to pay for my lunch so I could go? I have the money to go, but how guilty will I feel when I am unable to follow through with my other commitments? I am so pissed @ the hubby for taking my money. I put mad money away just for these situations (prom ticket, lunch/movie for work, etc.) and he takes it. Then he tries to play it off that he didn't take it. A$$hole forgot that he already admitted it a week ago.

Now I'm trying to process all of this - the embarassment of being the ONLY one left at work; having to possibly disappoint my son; feeling guilt at having his girl-friend not having a date; planning when I need to go to one bank to move money to another. Many of these situations I cannot control, but for some reason I can't seem to stop the feelings that I need to correct it all.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...hoping that Tori doesn't come home irritated because of the drama at school. Scotty is already asking for a loan from my next paycheck. At this point, he can kiss his birthday gift/dinner good-bye. I feel like he is just taking advantage of me. I'm going to have to return from things I bought for myself this weekend just to make this prom thing happen. Now I'm just pissed.

Updated Mood: PISSED

Monday, April 20, 2009

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Anxious

Health: Allergies & ankle hurts

Currently listening to: Back to the Future Overture - Back to the Future Soundtrack



Trying to see if I can keep this "journal" going for more than just a fews days a year. Want to have a "hot" topics toward the beginning. I'm sure I'll be tweaking it as time goes on.



Done with work for the day. Will be leaving the center in approximately 20 minutes. Just received an email from Tori's teach about her I D N C (I Do Not Care) attitute at school. Was told she has been getting into fights & is having a hard time letting little things go. Hmmm...I wonder where she gets that from. Great! Something else for me to feel guilty about. I'm trying to strategize how to handle this when I get home. Hopefully I can get the support from Scotty that I need.



What's on my mind right now? Tomorrow's work day. Suppose to have a planning meeting in the morning, go to lunch & then a movie. Do I have the money for all of this? No. Do I really want to go see "Monsters vs Aliens" and eat at Kabuto's? No. Good part is that we get the rest of the day off for this. However, I'm thinking that doing all of this is not worth my time. I'm thinking I'm just going to stay @ work. Let's see if I follow through with it.



Scotty's birthday is this weekend. Was wanting to do something really cool for him besides take him out to eat. Was wondering if I should schedule some time at a batting cage...however will Scotty come home too tired? Don't want him grouchy. Maybe I should just play it safe & do the dinner. He won't commit to a restaurant. The problem with going out to eat is that the kids are so darn picky with their food. I hate paying for food they will not try to eat.



Debating on whether to get Scotty the new car radio, a gift card to buy the new car radio, or maybe fix his fish tank. I mean, it is taking up a lot of room in the living room.