Things are looking better...not how I envisioned it

Mood: meh...

Had to take the cat to the vet dentist today.  $600 and minus 1 fang later, she is home: eating, enjoying her narcotics high, and getting attention from her boy baby, who apparently missed her.

I received a phone call from a local medical group.  I had applied for a phlebotomist position there this week.  I had originally worked in the field 15 years ago.  Left it when I was hired at a call center making more money with better benefits.  That is the same Fortune 500 company that I left last year.  I enjoyed the work, but it really was a career path with little movement unless I went back to school.  I thought about becoming a Med Tech, but it really isn't my bag.  I am still a computer geek at heart.  However, the more I thought of it, at least working as a phlebotomist will make me a little more physically active that a desk job.  The position I applied for is a PRN (as necessary) position, so at least I can pick & choose my days/times.  I was very flattered that this group called me today to say that they sent me an email the day before and were following up because they hadn't seen my response to it.  The email was a request to schedule a phone interview with a hiring leader.  I had responded to the email, but there were no slots open on the calendar.  They informed me they were aware of the issue and to please try again.  Last week I felt so rejected, this week I feel that someone sees my worth.  Too bad that this is not the career path I am interested in.  I will however keep the option open.  If the pay is good and the hours decent, this may be the avenue I need to take to continue my schooling.

Tomorrow (or later today since it is almost 2am) I will be getting a haircut.  I was putting it off until I got a job, but it has been almost 6 months now.  My hair grows very fast and considering my gray hairs are coming out in full force, I need to get those under control.  Tori wants her dye her hair as well.  She has been doing good caring for her hair, so I will allow it.  I think she would look good as a Gingie.  hahaha  She has the right coloring and with her hazel eyes, she could pull off any color with the exception of black.

Meeting my good friend Sara for breakfast, so I am hoping the day turns out to be a good one.  I have promised to make a nice dinner for my nephew who finally found a job.  The dinner will be Sunday night, before the latest episode of the Walking Dead.  My nephew likes to play games, so I will make sure we get to do that as well.  I have a feeling we will be stuck with Monopoly (Star Wars), but I can live with that.

Note to self: make sure to pick up the iPad version of the Monopoly game at Barnes & Noble tomorrow.  Might make the game a little more enjoyable.

Fish kill count: 0  - Might have to stop keeping track of it.

Another week, another ho-hum day

Mood: Blah

Well, last week was exciting.  Went through the whole emotional gambit.  Stick me with a fork, I'm done.  I'm glad the week was over.  At least I'm good now.  The week ended well.  Unfortunately, the only things I can think upon with fondness are what I watched at the theater and on TV.  I did go to a card party.  It is a quarterly thing with some friends of mine.  That was fun.  I enjoy hanging out with those ladies.

Watched Skyfall, the new Bond flick.  Holy cow what a good movie.  We get some background on Bond's childhood, what made him a successful candidate for the 00 program.  Not much, but enough to make you want to see if they do any more in future movies.  Javier Bardem made a wicked villain.

Walking Dead was good.  This week's episode showed Rick losing his mind, finding out a walker ate his dead wife.  Darryl and Maggie going out to find food for the "little ass-kicker".  The Governor is messed up! Fo' Sure!  I'm glad I got into this show.  It is gory and nasty, but the story is intriguing.

Filed my weekly unemployment claim, looking for more work again this week.  Not going whole-hog until my unemployment is exhausted, but for now I am looking for something comparable to my old job.

Wish me luck!

Should've known better

Mood: Depressed/Rejected

I didn't get the job.  Found out yesterday.  The reason I was given was not the reason I was expecting.  I immediately take the rejection personally, knowing that I shouldn't do that.  So I'm trying to decide how to process this for my sanity.  Do I just forget that I even tried for the job? or try to move on?  I really thought I had a good shot at it.  I knew better than to get too excited.  Every time I do I just get disappointed more.  I'm trying to stay positive, but it is difficult.  I just don't want to go back a few steps.  I deserve better...dammit.  (I'm hoping if I say it enough that I'll start to believe it.)  I hate this part of myself.  The worse part of this is my family having to tiptoe around me.  They want to comfort me. I don't want it.  I want to wallow in my misery.  They hate that.  They want me to snap out of it.  I want to snap out of it.  My head is so f*cked up.  I blame it on my mom.  I actually have a therapist that can support me on that.  Oh well...

Going to leave the house tomorrow.  Just need to get out.  I need to do some knitting.  That will calm me.

All fish still living.

Praying that Tori makes the middle school cheerleading squad.  I don't think I will handle it if she is rejected as well.

I hate waiting

Mood: Frustrated

Still haven't heard about my job.  My frustration stems from trying to gather the balls to contact HR to see if a decision has been made or contact the hiring leader that I know personally to see if she has decided.  I don't want to irritate the hiring leader, and I haven't had good experiences with HR.  I have told myself if I don't hear by tomorrow I will contact the hiring leader to see if she has made a decision.  I really want this job.  Have I mentioned that already?

Putting up Halloween stuff, putting out the harvest decorations.  Scotty has fixed my oven so know I can actually cook a good dinner this year.  We missed out on Christmas dinner last year.  I think I will be happy having dinners at the new house.

All fish still alive.  That's more than I can say about two main characters on The Walking Dead.  lol

First Time Voter

Mood: Proud

Many things to be proud of today:

• Tori not only made All County Orchestra, but HONORS All County.
• Voted for the first time in my life.  I'm almost 40.  That's a big deal.
• Didn't kill any fish today.

I'm very proud of my daughter.  I'm glad she is not shy to try out for new things.  Finishing them is another matter, but trying them out, she is usually toward the front of the line.  Making 5th chair in the orchestra is a proud moment for her as well.  She is  much like me where she never really tries to be 1st at anything, but she is pleasantly surprised when she does better then she expected.  She honestly thought she had failed her audition.  Very happy for her.  She was thankful to both her cousin for giving her the viola she uses and her brother for just being in orchestra and inspiring her to join.  I guess all of those concerts I dragged her to as a child were worth it.

Went to the library and took advantage of my right to vote.  Hopefully I made the right choice.  We will find out in a couple of years...if we don't all die this December...

Fish kill count: 0  'nuff said.

Why I'm thankful today?

The latest Karen Marie Moning book finally showed up at Audible for downloading today.  I will be listening to Iced for the rest of the night.  It is almost 15 hours long, so may take most of the weekend, but I will be enjoying it I'm sure.

So begins the month of being thankful...

Mood: Content

After reading many posts on Facebook today, many of my friends will be posting a reason they are thankful every day for the next 30 days.  While I applaud the ideal, I can only read so many posts of parents being thankful for their kids, wives/husbands being thankful for their spouses, etc.  Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the sentiment, but after awhile it just seems typical, boring, same ol'-same ol'.  I haven't been wow'd by any one's prose yet.  Sometimes it is nice to hear about being thankful for the little things.  I guess that can get hokey too.  Oh well...

Spent the day with hubby today.  With it being the day after Halloween we spent the morning shopping for next year's props at clearance prices.  Hubby loves his Halloween.  I don't have the heart to deny him any of his purchases.  He lets me indulge the rest of the year.  I'm just grateful that he is at least waiting for after the holiday to make his big purchases in order to save some money.  Ah!  A reason to be thankful.  Check!

Had to make a run to Petco to return my dead fish.  I was very appreciative to the salesperson the day before when I was buying decorations for the fish tank that she proactively explained to me that all of their fish had a 30 day warranty. (Another reason to be thankful!)  I had mentioned to her earlier that I had purchased an Elephant Ear Betta fish the day before and decided to "pretty up" his tank.  The fish seemed to be a little antsy to me.  I guess he didn't like his purple rocks and bright plants.  When I woke this morning, he had buried his face at the base of the tall plastic plant and died.  I choose not to think that he committed suicide, but honestly, I don't know if his behavior wasn't some form of fishy anxiety attack.  

Those darn Elephant Ear Bettas are expensive, so after going back to the store to get a refund, I decided to spend an hour in the Betta department to scout out my replacement.  While I was drawn to the pretty fish, I really wanted a fish with some personality.  I currently have a Betta that I purchased a few weeks ago.  Believe it or not, he is very friendly.  He sits by my computer, stares at me when he wants food, and swims around entertaining me.  He doesn't do much, but I swear he likes me.  I wanted to find another fish like him.  My hours had to picking up and returning many a Betta, until I started looking at the very plain but attentive female Betta.  She is mostly pale with some red.  However her eyes look like she is wearing lots of eyeliner and she kept looking at me, as if pleading for me to pick her over the others.  I was already leaning toward choosing a baby Betta - Petco's version of a grab bag.  Don't know what type of Betta it is or if it is a boy or girl, but buy it for a couple of bucks, wait a few weeks, and with some research, discover what you end up with.  This little baby was very attentive too.  After looking at the prices, I discovered I could buy both fish, and still walk away with a sizable refund.  Hmmm...females and babies not being as expensive as a pretty male, who'd have thunk it?  Anyway, I am very happy with my new friends.  They already recognize me and wait at the top of the tank for their next helping of freeze dried bloodworms.  Yuck...

So, I'm content.  Little girl had her All County orchestra tryout, but she is confident that she didn't make it sense she messed up on her piece.  Little boy is excited to vote tomorrow.  This will be his first election.  Embarassed to say, it will be mine as well (and hubby), so it will be a family event going to the voting booths for the first time.

I'm waiting to see if I am offered a job back at the company that I left last year.  While grateful (Thanks again!) that I had time off to work through my grief, I really need a job.  Financially we are doing ok, but we have NO benefits.  No insurance.  Nothing.  I need all of that back.  I can't believe how all of that worries me more than the money.  Don't know how I will feel if I get a decline.  No, I know.  I'll feel miserable.  This is the first job I've applied to that I know that I will enjoy doing AND I know I can do very well at.  I guess we will see.  I'm suppose to hear an answer by tomorrow, but delays are always good news.  Means they are declining everyone else before they offer to you.  PLEASE let it be me.

It's 2011 - where have I been?

Holy crap -- has it really been since 2009 that I've blogged?  Well, many things have happened to explain it, so I don't feel too bad.  My life since 2009:

• I'm unemployed after 15 years at a Fortune 500 company.
• My 9 year-old nephew passed away after a horrible, painful illness.
• Trying to figure out all of these emotions that I've saddled myself with that have surfaced.
• Deciding to go back to school, get a degree, and finally start on a career path that I will enjoy.

I need to be a little more disciplined with this blog.  Maybe I can do something about that since I'm unemployed.

Sleep Apnea -- Take it seriously...

My husband has sleep apnea but doesn't use his sleep machine to avoid issues like this. He wonders why I don't like to sleep next to him anymore. Could you sleep next to that on a regular basis? I can't beg him anymore to help himself. At what point do I start to not care? I'm so tired of scared that I'll wake up next to a dead person the next morning...or he'll have a heart attack in his sleep. T.T

Friday, April 24, 2009

Mood: Relieved; Accomodating

Currently listening to: Love & Understanding - Cher

Changed the background on my work PC to an animated gif of balloons rising, on a continuous loop. Not a good idea. Quickly changed it to a presset Windows XP background of a view of yellow tulips from the ground. Much better.

After picking up Luc from Track practice yesterday afternoon, I began my journey of searching for a suit/tux for him to take his date for the weekend's prom. I had already promised myself to stay within a budget of $200 -- which was already taking out of his father's birthday celebration this Sunday. I pestered Luc to call his date to have her send a pic of her dress to my cell phone so I could see the colors. So texted back to say that she had to attend a family weekend that weekend & would not be going to prom after all. She thanked my son for offering to go with her & left it at that. While turning my car around from heading to the local Men's Wearhouse, I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that I was no longer going to have to stress about prom & all of the issues that come with it. After that, I realized I needed to make sure that Luc was OK with this, since I sensed deep down he was looking forward to the date. He told me he was fine it. He could now go to the Track Meet Saturday. All in all, this was a good practice run for next year when he will -- no -- might go next year when he is a Junior. I just have to remember all of this come next February. Price of the prom ticket, corsage for the date, renting of the tuxedo, paying for dinner, transportation, etc. Yeah, he's going to need a job.

Tori is my next hurdle. Her dance is tonight. Said I might buy her a new dress, but I'm not too sure now. She does need another dress. I'll have to see what time her dance starts to see if I have time to run to the store to get one for her. Of course, I could always go to Kohls...or Target.

OK -- now to talk about me. My plans this weekend. Watch my son's track meet. Haven't done that yet. He's been keeping me at arms-length. Probably because he isn't the best runner...his words...not mine. However, the fact the he is doing so much outside of the box is thrilling for me. I'm looking forward to cheering him on - hoping he doesn't see me as an embarassment. He wants me to take him to the meet later & not ride the bus with his team, however, I'm making him take the bus. Told him to bring things with him to occupy his time & he needs to support his team. I am so proud of my little boy...but again, I reverted back to my kids. It's ME time.

This weekend, preparing for Scotty's birthday. I really enjoy doing things like this. Unfortunately I haven't quite gotten it right when celebrating it. I like to surprise, but Scotty doesn't like to be surprised. Well, that's not exactly right. He likes surprises, he just doesn't make it easy to do them since he questions everything & turns down-right grouchy. He can't even get into the spirit when I tell him to "chill" and "expect the unexpected". If things aren't good this year, I give up. I will have lost the joy to do it for him anymore. He doesn't even like to work together when planning for the kids. OK -- my mood is starting to shift. Time to change the subject.

I was going to have a radio installed in his car this weekend so he could have an early present. He no longers will right in the ... just got a phone call...it's him. He was returning a phone call I had made earlier, checking to see if Tori was home already. He said he was out, just went to Red Robin to get his free B-day burger. That was something I signed him up for. I told him specifically we could go there for his B-day. He didn't want to...even though it is one of the few places the kids will eat. Said that we could go there for lunch. The a$$hole went by himself to pick up the f*cking burger! OK...my joy planning for him is officially one. I feel like crying now. Why is he such an asshole? It's not like Red Robin is down the road...it's a 20 minute drive. Only 5 minutes from my work. He did it on purpose...and I know that coupon wasn't due to expire any time soon.

I'm home now. It took seeing my babies to calm me down. Tori is ready to come home from her dance. She went with a friend -- her "date" cancelled on her too. Hope this is not going to be a trend. LOL

I just need to get over myself. I'll try to reexamine myself tomorrow. Time to watch a little recorded Two & a Half Men. or Will & Grace...or Friends... :)

Thursday, April 23, 2009 - 16:17 EST

Mood: Agreeable
Currently listening to: Is This Love - Survivor


The prom challenge is finally coming to a conclusion. I'm taking Luc shopping to find either a rental tux or a suit. My budget for this whole prom adventure is $200. That should include a corsage for his date. Now, don't know if that includes dinner...crap, I just now thought of that. How does this work? She asked him as a friend. Is dinner included? Do they go dutch? OK -- he's going to have to carry the Amex with him that night.

Did I share that this is also the weekend of my daughter's first date? Her "boyfriend", which she is denying to her father, is her date for the elementary school dance. Geez...at least she hasn't asked me for new clothes. All I have to worry about with her is that she takes a bath & has her hair fixed...which I can do the hair pretty easily.

I'm done for the work for the day...so I'm trying to find time before I have to leave work. I have approximately 15 minutes. I could leave early since I stayed late on Tuesday, but why not. Boss isn't here. I can kill some time. Bought a Iced Orange Banana Cupcake from the cafe today. Good time to try it.

It's usually around this time of the week that I'm figuring out what I'm planning to do for the weekend. I'm sure Saturday will be taken up with Luc's prom preparations...or at least my preparations for Luc. Since Tori is on lock-down, can't let her run-around like usual since I have to supervise her. I do have to return a bathing suit I bought her that is too big. That's one thing I can do. I really need to clean on my house. It's not bad, but I would love to clean out my closet. Since I do have some money -- guess I can visit the local Goodwill & see what they have that I can further junk up my house with. Of course, I could always finish that blanket for Scotty that I meant to have for him by Xmas. Maybe that will be his B-day present. I can get him the car radio for Father's Day.

Ok -- the cupcake icing isn't flavored...slightly disappointed. The cupcake itself is a very interesting mix of orange & banana. Not sure how to react to it. Not tasting too good with my sweet tea...can tell you that for sure.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 11:55 EST

Mood: Swinging...taking things minute by minute
Currently Listening to: It's Gonna Take a Miracle - Deniece Williams

Taking a break from work. Applications I need are not functioning. Mind is racing. Can't really focus on much, so what better thing to do but to write.

Update from yesterday: Luc talked to his prom date. She doesn't care what he wears. Good! He's wearing a suit. Apparently she's is wearing some sort of Red/Brown dress. I don't have a clue what that looks like. She is driving him. Told him she is going to have to come to the house to pick him up. I'm not dropping him off @ the school. I'm checking this chick out + taking some pictures. :)

Had a talk with the little girl last night. Put her on lock-down. Had a nice phone conversation with her teacher. Was told that she has been starting trouble among the girls, saying one hates the other, starting fights -- I've seen this behavior, so I know the teacher is blowing smoke up my ass. Apparently Tori wants to be the center of attention & will try to manipulate the situation to make it that way. Now everyone is seeing her for what she is doing, and it's backfiring on her. Told her all of her associations will be supervised. Said she had to stay away from the middle school girls. I think she is picking up on many bad habits, including, unfortunately, my niece. Now I have to concentrate on her schooling. She has a "no care" attitude. I'm trying to figure out how I can get her invested...find her Wiifm... LOL Never thought I'd use that term for anything outside of work.

Forgot to bring my lunch today. That sucks...I have some $$, but I'm not that desperate. I'm eating from Ritz crackers & peanut butter that I left in my desk drawer. Hoping that will get me through til I get home. I'll be leaving in 5 hours...I can do it.

Was thinking I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel until I realized that I forgot about another obligation that I have for the end of the month. How did I do this to myself? I am so screwed...

Updated Mood: Depressed

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 - 14:00 EST

Mood: Overwhelmed & emotional

Was told last night by my 15 year-old son that he was asked to the prom by a Junior. Apparently she asked him almost 2 weeks ago, but he didn't bother to ask me until last night. Telling him he cannot go is not an option for two reasons:

• My unusually introverted, shy son, made a point to ask. If he didn't want to go he wouldn't have even bothered. That's a big deal for me to see him take the initiative.


• I wasn't allowed to attend prom in high school. At the time I talked myself into thinking that was OK...but that was strictly a response to allow myself to function. I hated not being able to go. I don't want to deny my firstborn...plus I would love to experience prom through his eyes.

However, now I am at odds as to whether or not I do not have a choice to tell him he can go.

• I'm broke. I hate saying that...but I'm broke. The money I loaned my husband by paying some of his bills was not repaid to me. The $$ that I do have, is already earmarked for other things, that has been accounted for weeks in advance. I can put things on my charge card...but I really don't want to do that. I'm weighing that option though.


• Last minute tux rentals are grossly overpriced. If I can find a tux to fit him, it will cost me $130-180. My husband seems to think it is acceptable for him to wear a suit. Well, that costs money too. Hubby tends to forget that our son is not the same size he was at his age...so he can't wear one of his old suits. Besides, those suits are 15+ years old. If my son would be OK with it, the poor girl he is taking may not be as cool about it. However, Luc is asking her. I'll find out when he gets home after his track meet.

I had to decline going to an off-site with my team today because of the whole $$ situation. How embarassing is it for my supervisor to offer to pay for my lunch so I could go? I have the money to go, but how guilty will I feel when I am unable to follow through with my other commitments? I am so pissed @ the hubby for taking my money. I put mad money away just for these situations (prom ticket, lunch/movie for work, etc.) and he takes it. Then he tries to play it off that he didn't take it. A$$hole forgot that he already admitted it a week ago.

Now I'm trying to process all of this - the embarassment of being the ONLY one left at work; having to possibly disappoint my son; feeling guilt at having his girl-friend not having a date; planning when I need to go to one bank to move money to another. Many of these situations I cannot control, but for some reason I can't seem to stop the feelings that I need to correct it all.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...hoping that Tori doesn't come home irritated because of the drama at school. Scotty is already asking for a loan from my next paycheck. At this point, he can kiss his birthday gift/dinner good-bye. I feel like he is just taking advantage of me. I'm going to have to return from things I bought for myself this weekend just to make this prom thing happen. Now I'm just pissed.

Updated Mood: PISSED

Monday, April 20, 2009

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Anxious

Health: Allergies & ankle hurts

Currently listening to: Back to the Future Overture - Back to the Future Soundtrack



Trying to see if I can keep this "journal" going for more than just a fews days a year. Want to have a "hot" topics toward the beginning. I'm sure I'll be tweaking it as time goes on.



Done with work for the day. Will be leaving the center in approximately 20 minutes. Just received an email from Tori's teach about her I D N C (I Do Not Care) attitute at school. Was told she has been getting into fights & is having a hard time letting little things go. Hmmm...I wonder where she gets that from. Great! Something else for me to feel guilty about. I'm trying to strategize how to handle this when I get home. Hopefully I can get the support from Scotty that I need.



What's on my mind right now? Tomorrow's work day. Suppose to have a planning meeting in the morning, go to lunch & then a movie. Do I have the money for all of this? No. Do I really want to go see "Monsters vs Aliens" and eat at Kabuto's? No. Good part is that we get the rest of the day off for this. However, I'm thinking that doing all of this is not worth my time. I'm thinking I'm just going to stay @ work. Let's see if I follow through with it.



Scotty's birthday is this weekend. Was wanting to do something really cool for him besides take him out to eat. Was wondering if I should schedule some time at a batting cage...however will Scotty come home too tired? Don't want him grouchy. Maybe I should just play it safe & do the dinner. He won't commit to a restaurant. The problem with going out to eat is that the kids are so darn picky with their food. I hate paying for food they will not try to eat.



Debating on whether to get Scotty the new car radio, a gift card to buy the new car radio, or maybe fix his fish tank. I mean, it is taking up a lot of room in the living room.

Hottest Hookup	Biggest Breakup
Lindsay Lohan and Sa...	Madonna and Guy Ritc...
Favorite Jonas	Breakout Star of the Year
Joe	Taylor Swift
Baddest Bad Girl	Biggest Scandal
Lindsay Lohan	Lindsay Lohan and sa...
Best Dressed	Worst Dressed
Dita Von Teese	Amy Winehouse
Hottest Hottie	Cutest Celebuspawn
David Beckham	Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
Most Improved	Worst Trainwreck
Britney Spears	Amy Winehouse
Most DVR-worthy Series	Biggest Box Office Blowout
True Blood	High School Musical ...
Celeb of the Year
Barack Obama

Who would you vote for?
Go to PerezHilton.com to vote!

RIP - Pookie Bear

10-4-1993 to 12-26-2007

Happy Mother's Day to ME!!!!!!!

I really thought I was going to get shafted again this year. However my husband came through & got me the iPod I've been wanting for YEARS!!! He bought me one years ago for our anniversary but I had to return it when my dog hurt her leg & had a huge vet bill to pay. I received a very wonderful 80gig Video iPod to put my huge CD collection on plus some Star Trek episodes...LOL.

Now I have to make good on Father's day...

Job safe...what now?

Well, found out that I'm safe with my job, but my two best friends were not. Their last day on the job is next Friday. The peoople I work with are taking them out to Olive Garden on Friday. My friends seem positive about it & we are lucky that our company provides an excellent severance package, but it will be lonely for me.

Funny thing is that our workload is going up with the deletion of 3 people, including any cross-trainers that we have. How ironic is that? So, I hope I don't lose my sanity.

I've been working 70 hours a week for the past 3 weeks, so I am looking forward to a vacation the first week of April.

Me?...unemployed???

Found out last week that our company is down-sizing. The reality is really setting in now that everyone I work with is wondering if they will be the one offered a package. I am 7 weeks short of my 10 year anniversary with the company. I'm trying not to be concerned, but it's hard not to think about it. I can't help but have this overwhelming feeling of being screwed out of my tenure with the company...

Oh well, c'est le vie! I'll possibly know something by Friday.

Phony Photo Booth

This was posted by NBC at YouTube but I don't know what show it came from. Very funny!

Prince of Tennis: Ending Theme 2 (Keep Your Style)

PoT Ending 2 - Keep Your Style