Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 11:55 EST

Mood: Swinging...taking things minute by minute
Currently Listening to: It's Gonna Take a Miracle - Deniece Williams

Taking a break from work. Applications I need are not functioning. Mind is racing. Can't really focus on much, so what better thing to do but to write.

Update from yesterday: Luc talked to his prom date. She doesn't care what he wears. Good! He's wearing a suit. Apparently she's is wearing some sort of Red/Brown dress. I don't have a clue what that looks like. She is driving him. Told him she is going to have to come to the house to pick him up. I'm not dropping him off @ the school. I'm checking this chick out + taking some pictures. :)

Had a talk with the little girl last night. Put her on lock-down. Had a nice phone conversation with her teacher. Was told that she has been starting trouble among the girls, saying one hates the other, starting fights -- I've seen this behavior, so I know the teacher is blowing smoke up my ass. Apparently Tori wants to be the center of attention & will try to manipulate the situation to make it that way. Now everyone is seeing her for what she is doing, and it's backfiring on her. Told her all of her associations will be supervised. Said she had to stay away from the middle school girls. I think she is picking up on many bad habits, including, unfortunately, my niece. Now I have to concentrate on her schooling. She has a "no care" attitude. I'm trying to figure out how I can get her invested...find her Wiifm... LOL Never thought I'd use that term for anything outside of work.

Forgot to bring my lunch today. That sucks...I have some $$, but I'm not that desperate. I'm eating from Ritz crackers & peanut butter that I left in my desk drawer. Hoping that will get me through til I get home. I'll be leaving in 5 hours...I can do it.

Was thinking I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel until I realized that I forgot about another obligation that I have for the end of the month. How did I do this to myself? I am so screwed...

Updated Mood: Depressed

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 - 14:00 EST

Mood: Overwhelmed & emotional

Was told last night by my 15 year-old son that he was asked to the prom by a Junior. Apparently she asked him almost 2 weeks ago, but he didn't bother to ask me until last night. Telling him he cannot go is not an option for two reasons:

• My unusually introverted, shy son, made a point to ask. If he didn't want to go he wouldn't have even bothered. That's a big deal for me to see him take the initiative.


• I wasn't allowed to attend prom in high school. At the time I talked myself into thinking that was OK...but that was strictly a response to allow myself to function. I hated not being able to go. I don't want to deny my firstborn...plus I would love to experience prom through his eyes.

However, now I am at odds as to whether or not I do not have a choice to tell him he can go.

• I'm broke. I hate saying that...but I'm broke. The money I loaned my husband by paying some of his bills was not repaid to me. The $$ that I do have, is already earmarked for other things, that has been accounted for weeks in advance. I can put things on my charge card...but I really don't want to do that. I'm weighing that option though.


• Last minute tux rentals are grossly overpriced. If I can find a tux to fit him, it will cost me $130-180. My husband seems to think it is acceptable for him to wear a suit. Well, that costs money too. Hubby tends to forget that our son is not the same size he was at his age...so he can't wear one of his old suits. Besides, those suits are 15+ years old. If my son would be OK with it, the poor girl he is taking may not be as cool about it. However, Luc is asking her. I'll find out when he gets home after his track meet.

I had to decline going to an off-site with my team today because of the whole $$ situation. How embarassing is it for my supervisor to offer to pay for my lunch so I could go? I have the money to go, but how guilty will I feel when I am unable to follow through with my other commitments? I am so pissed @ the hubby for taking my money. I put mad money away just for these situations (prom ticket, lunch/movie for work, etc.) and he takes it. Then he tries to play it off that he didn't take it. A$$hole forgot that he already admitted it a week ago.

Now I'm trying to process all of this - the embarassment of being the ONLY one left at work; having to possibly disappoint my son; feeling guilt at having his girl-friend not having a date; planning when I need to go to one bank to move money to another. Many of these situations I cannot control, but for some reason I can't seem to stop the feelings that I need to correct it all.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...hoping that Tori doesn't come home irritated because of the drama at school. Scotty is already asking for a loan from my next paycheck. At this point, he can kiss his birthday gift/dinner good-bye. I feel like he is just taking advantage of me. I'm going to have to return from things I bought for myself this weekend just to make this prom thing happen. Now I'm just pissed.

Updated Mood: PISSED

Monday, April 20, 2009

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Anxious

Health: Allergies & ankle hurts

Currently listening to: Back to the Future Overture - Back to the Future Soundtrack



Trying to see if I can keep this "journal" going for more than just a fews days a year. Want to have a "hot" topics toward the beginning. I'm sure I'll be tweaking it as time goes on.



Done with work for the day. Will be leaving the center in approximately 20 minutes. Just received an email from Tori's teach about her I D N C (I Do Not Care) attitute at school. Was told she has been getting into fights & is having a hard time letting little things go. Hmmm...I wonder where she gets that from. Great! Something else for me to feel guilty about. I'm trying to strategize how to handle this when I get home. Hopefully I can get the support from Scotty that I need.



What's on my mind right now? Tomorrow's work day. Suppose to have a planning meeting in the morning, go to lunch & then a movie. Do I have the money for all of this? No. Do I really want to go see "Monsters vs Aliens" and eat at Kabuto's? No. Good part is that we get the rest of the day off for this. However, I'm thinking that doing all of this is not worth my time. I'm thinking I'm just going to stay @ work. Let's see if I follow through with it.



Scotty's birthday is this weekend. Was wanting to do something really cool for him besides take him out to eat. Was wondering if I should schedule some time at a batting cage...however will Scotty come home too tired? Don't want him grouchy. Maybe I should just play it safe & do the dinner. He won't commit to a restaurant. The problem with going out to eat is that the kids are so darn picky with their food. I hate paying for food they will not try to eat.



Debating on whether to get Scotty the new car radio, a gift card to buy the new car radio, or maybe fix his fish tank. I mean, it is taking up a lot of room in the living room.

Hottest Hookup	Biggest Breakup
Lindsay Lohan and Sa...	Madonna and Guy Ritc...
Favorite Jonas	Breakout Star of the Year
Joe	Taylor Swift
Baddest Bad Girl	Biggest Scandal
Lindsay Lohan	Lindsay Lohan and sa...
Best Dressed	Worst Dressed
Dita Von Teese	Amy Winehouse
Hottest Hottie	Cutest Celebuspawn
David Beckham	Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
Most Improved	Worst Trainwreck
Britney Spears	Amy Winehouse
Most DVR-worthy Series	Biggest Box Office Blowout
True Blood	High School Musical ...
Celeb of the Year
Barack Obama

Who would you vote for?
Go to PerezHilton.com to vote!

RIP - Pookie Bear

10-4-1993 to 12-26-2007

Happy Mother's Day to ME!!!!!!!

I really thought I was going to get shafted again this year. However my husband came through & got me the iPod I've been wanting for YEARS!!! He bought me one years ago for our anniversary but I had to return it when my dog hurt her leg & had a huge vet bill to pay. I received a very wonderful 80gig Video iPod to put my huge CD collection on plus some Star Trek episodes...LOL.

Now I have to make good on Father's day...

Job safe...what now?

Well, found out that I'm safe with my job, but my two best friends were not. Their last day on the job is next Friday. The peoople I work with are taking them out to Olive Garden on Friday. My friends seem positive about it & we are lucky that our company provides an excellent severance package, but it will be lonely for me.

Funny thing is that our workload is going up with the deletion of 3 people, including any cross-trainers that we have. How ironic is that? So, I hope I don't lose my sanity.

I've been working 70 hours a week for the past 3 weeks, so I am looking forward to a vacation the first week of April.