I hate waiting

Mood: Frustrated

Still haven't heard about my job.  My frustration stems from trying to gather the balls to contact HR to see if a decision has been made or contact the hiring leader that I know personally to see if she has decided.  I don't want to irritate the hiring leader, and I haven't had good experiences with HR.  I have told myself if I don't hear by tomorrow I will contact the hiring leader to see if she has made a decision.  I really want this job.  Have I mentioned that already?

Putting up Halloween stuff, putting out the harvest decorations.  Scotty has fixed my oven so know I can actually cook a good dinner this year.  We missed out on Christmas dinner last year.  I think I will be happy having dinners at the new house.

All fish still alive.  That's more than I can say about two main characters on The Walking Dead.  lol

First Time Voter

Mood: Proud

Many things to be proud of today:

• Tori not only made All County Orchestra, but HONORS All County.
• Voted for the first time in my life.  I'm almost 40.  That's a big deal.
• Didn't kill any fish today.

I'm very proud of my daughter.  I'm glad she is not shy to try out for new things.  Finishing them is another matter, but trying them out, she is usually toward the front of the line.  Making 5th chair in the orchestra is a proud moment for her as well.  She is  much like me where she never really tries to be 1st at anything, but she is pleasantly surprised when she does better then she expected.  She honestly thought she had failed her audition.  Very happy for her.  She was thankful to both her cousin for giving her the viola she uses and her brother for just being in orchestra and inspiring her to join.  I guess all of those concerts I dragged her to as a child were worth it.

Went to the library and took advantage of my right to vote.  Hopefully I made the right choice.  We will find out in a couple of years...if we don't all die this December...

Fish kill count: 0  'nuff said.

Why I'm thankful today?

The latest Karen Marie Moning book finally showed up at Audible for downloading today.  I will be listening to Iced for the rest of the night.  It is almost 15 hours long, so may take most of the weekend, but I will be enjoying it I'm sure.

So begins the month of being thankful...

Mood: Content

After reading many posts on Facebook today, many of my friends will be posting a reason they are thankful every day for the next 30 days.  While I applaud the ideal, I can only read so many posts of parents being thankful for their kids, wives/husbands being thankful for their spouses, etc.  Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the sentiment, but after awhile it just seems typical, boring, same ol'-same ol'.  I haven't been wow'd by any one's prose yet.  Sometimes it is nice to hear about being thankful for the little things.  I guess that can get hokey too.  Oh well...

Spent the day with hubby today.  With it being the day after Halloween we spent the morning shopping for next year's props at clearance prices.  Hubby loves his Halloween.  I don't have the heart to deny him any of his purchases.  He lets me indulge the rest of the year.  I'm just grateful that he is at least waiting for after the holiday to make his big purchases in order to save some money.  Ah!  A reason to be thankful.  Check!

Had to make a run to Petco to return my dead fish.  I was very appreciative to the salesperson the day before when I was buying decorations for the fish tank that she proactively explained to me that all of their fish had a 30 day warranty. (Another reason to be thankful!)  I had mentioned to her earlier that I had purchased an Elephant Ear Betta fish the day before and decided to "pretty up" his tank.  The fish seemed to be a little antsy to me.  I guess he didn't like his purple rocks and bright plants.  When I woke this morning, he had buried his face at the base of the tall plastic plant and died.  I choose not to think that he committed suicide, but honestly, I don't know if his behavior wasn't some form of fishy anxiety attack.  

Those darn Elephant Ear Bettas are expensive, so after going back to the store to get a refund, I decided to spend an hour in the Betta department to scout out my replacement.  While I was drawn to the pretty fish, I really wanted a fish with some personality.  I currently have a Betta that I purchased a few weeks ago.  Believe it or not, he is very friendly.  He sits by my computer, stares at me when he wants food, and swims around entertaining me.  He doesn't do much, but I swear he likes me.  I wanted to find another fish like him.  My hours had to picking up and returning many a Betta, until I started looking at the very plain but attentive female Betta.  She is mostly pale with some red.  However her eyes look like she is wearing lots of eyeliner and she kept looking at me, as if pleading for me to pick her over the others.  I was already leaning toward choosing a baby Betta - Petco's version of a grab bag.  Don't know what type of Betta it is or if it is a boy or girl, but buy it for a couple of bucks, wait a few weeks, and with some research, discover what you end up with.  This little baby was very attentive too.  After looking at the prices, I discovered I could buy both fish, and still walk away with a sizable refund.  Hmmm...females and babies not being as expensive as a pretty male, who'd have thunk it?  Anyway, I am very happy with my new friends.  They already recognize me and wait at the top of the tank for their next helping of freeze dried bloodworms.  Yuck...

So, I'm content.  Little girl had her All County orchestra tryout, but she is confident that she didn't make it sense she messed up on her piece.  Little boy is excited to vote tomorrow.  This will be his first election.  Embarassed to say, it will be mine as well (and hubby), so it will be a family event going to the voting booths for the first time.

I'm waiting to see if I am offered a job back at the company that I left last year.  While grateful (Thanks again!) that I had time off to work through my grief, I really need a job.  Financially we are doing ok, but we have NO benefits.  No insurance.  Nothing.  I need all of that back.  I can't believe how all of that worries me more than the money.  Don't know how I will feel if I get a decline.  No, I know.  I'll feel miserable.  This is the first job I've applied to that I know that I will enjoy doing AND I know I can do very well at.  I guess we will see.  I'm suppose to hear an answer by tomorrow, but delays are always good news.  Means they are declining everyone else before they offer to you.  PLEASE let it be me.

It's 2011 - where have I been?

Holy crap -- has it really been since 2009 that I've blogged?  Well, many things have happened to explain it, so I don't feel too bad.  My life since 2009:

• I'm unemployed after 15 years at a Fortune 500 company.
• My 9 year-old nephew passed away after a horrible, painful illness.
• Trying to figure out all of these emotions that I've saddled myself with that have surfaced.
• Deciding to go back to school, get a degree, and finally start on a career path that I will enjoy.

I need to be a little more disciplined with this blog.  Maybe I can do something about that since I'm unemployed.

Sleep Apnea -- Take it seriously...

My husband has sleep apnea but doesn't use his sleep machine to avoid issues like this. He wonders why I don't like to sleep next to him anymore. Could you sleep next to that on a regular basis? I can't beg him anymore to help himself. At what point do I start to not care? I'm so tired of scared that I'll wake up next to a dead person the next morning...or he'll have a heart attack in his sleep. T.T

Friday, April 24, 2009

Mood: Relieved; Accomodating

Currently listening to: Love & Understanding - Cher

Changed the background on my work PC to an animated gif of balloons rising, on a continuous loop. Not a good idea. Quickly changed it to a presset Windows XP background of a view of yellow tulips from the ground. Much better.

After picking up Luc from Track practice yesterday afternoon, I began my journey of searching for a suit/tux for him to take his date for the weekend's prom. I had already promised myself to stay within a budget of $200 -- which was already taking out of his father's birthday celebration this Sunday. I pestered Luc to call his date to have her send a pic of her dress to my cell phone so I could see the colors. So texted back to say that she had to attend a family weekend that weekend & would not be going to prom after all. She thanked my son for offering to go with her & left it at that. While turning my car around from heading to the local Men's Wearhouse, I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that I was no longer going to have to stress about prom & all of the issues that come with it. After that, I realized I needed to make sure that Luc was OK with this, since I sensed deep down he was looking forward to the date. He told me he was fine it. He could now go to the Track Meet Saturday. All in all, this was a good practice run for next year when he will -- no -- might go next year when he is a Junior. I just have to remember all of this come next February. Price of the prom ticket, corsage for the date, renting of the tuxedo, paying for dinner, transportation, etc. Yeah, he's going to need a job.

Tori is my next hurdle. Her dance is tonight. Said I might buy her a new dress, but I'm not too sure now. She does need another dress. I'll have to see what time her dance starts to see if I have time to run to the store to get one for her. Of course, I could always go to Kohls...or Target.

OK -- now to talk about me. My plans this weekend. Watch my son's track meet. Haven't done that yet. He's been keeping me at arms-length. Probably because he isn't the best runner...his words...not mine. However, the fact the he is doing so much outside of the box is thrilling for me. I'm looking forward to cheering him on - hoping he doesn't see me as an embarassment. He wants me to take him to the meet later & not ride the bus with his team, however, I'm making him take the bus. Told him to bring things with him to occupy his time & he needs to support his team. I am so proud of my little boy...but again, I reverted back to my kids. It's ME time.

This weekend, preparing for Scotty's birthday. I really enjoy doing things like this. Unfortunately I haven't quite gotten it right when celebrating it. I like to surprise, but Scotty doesn't like to be surprised. Well, that's not exactly right. He likes surprises, he just doesn't make it easy to do them since he questions everything & turns down-right grouchy. He can't even get into the spirit when I tell him to "chill" and "expect the unexpected". If things aren't good this year, I give up. I will have lost the joy to do it for him anymore. He doesn't even like to work together when planning for the kids. OK -- my mood is starting to shift. Time to change the subject.

I was going to have a radio installed in his car this weekend so he could have an early present. He no longers will right in the ... just got a phone call...it's him. He was returning a phone call I had made earlier, checking to see if Tori was home already. He said he was out, just went to Red Robin to get his free B-day burger. That was something I signed him up for. I told him specifically we could go there for his B-day. He didn't want to...even though it is one of the few places the kids will eat. Said that we could go there for lunch. The a$$hole went by himself to pick up the f*cking burger! OK...my joy planning for him is officially one. I feel like crying now. Why is he such an asshole? It's not like Red Robin is down the road...it's a 20 minute drive. Only 5 minutes from my work. He did it on purpose...and I know that coupon wasn't due to expire any time soon.

I'm home now. It took seeing my babies to calm me down. Tori is ready to come home from her dance. She went with a friend -- her "date" cancelled on her too. Hope this is not going to be a trend. LOL

I just need to get over myself. I'll try to reexamine myself tomorrow. Time to watch a little recorded Two & a Half Men. or Will & Grace...or Friends... :)

Thursday, April 23, 2009 - 16:17 EST

Mood: Agreeable
Currently listening to: Is This Love - Survivor


The prom challenge is finally coming to a conclusion. I'm taking Luc shopping to find either a rental tux or a suit. My budget for this whole prom adventure is $200. That should include a corsage for his date. Now, don't know if that includes dinner...crap, I just now thought of that. How does this work? She asked him as a friend. Is dinner included? Do they go dutch? OK -- he's going to have to carry the Amex with him that night.

Did I share that this is also the weekend of my daughter's first date? Her "boyfriend", which she is denying to her father, is her date for the elementary school dance. Geez...at least she hasn't asked me for new clothes. All I have to worry about with her is that she takes a bath & has her hair fixed...which I can do the hair pretty easily.

I'm done for the work for the day...so I'm trying to find time before I have to leave work. I have approximately 15 minutes. I could leave early since I stayed late on Tuesday, but why not. Boss isn't here. I can kill some time. Bought a Iced Orange Banana Cupcake from the cafe today. Good time to try it.

It's usually around this time of the week that I'm figuring out what I'm planning to do for the weekend. I'm sure Saturday will be taken up with Luc's prom preparations...or at least my preparations for Luc. Since Tori is on lock-down, can't let her run-around like usual since I have to supervise her. I do have to return a bathing suit I bought her that is too big. That's one thing I can do. I really need to clean on my house. It's not bad, but I would love to clean out my closet. Since I do have some money -- guess I can visit the local Goodwill & see what they have that I can further junk up my house with. Of course, I could always finish that blanket for Scotty that I meant to have for him by Xmas. Maybe that will be his B-day present. I can get him the car radio for Father's Day.

Ok -- the cupcake icing isn't flavored...slightly disappointed. The cupcake itself is a very interesting mix of orange & banana. Not sure how to react to it. Not tasting too good with my sweet tea...can tell you that for sure.